Lost my mojo....

Well we're not even a month in and I have lost my mojo! I haven't attempted writing anything, or even properly thought about writing in days. It's like my mind has gone to sludge and not a single creative thought is even trying to form. My reading is also off; for every book I've read over the past few weeks, there is a book I've abandoned after not being able to get into. Those that I have read, I haven't read with the same passion and enthusiasm as usual. I thought when I finished C J Sansom's 'Sovereign' yesterday that I had broken this cycle, I really enjoyed following Shardlake on his latest journey, but then I picked up 'Little Monsters' by Charles Lambert. And once again I am ready to abandon another book. For a reason I can't quite put my finger on. All I know is that once again a book isn't working for me and I have no idea what to read next. I feel lost. Have I just had an unfortunate run of bad choices? Or is something off with me? Perhaps its just my annual 'January Blues' and will pass over the next weeks or so. I will be thrilled to see the back of January and my resolution for February is Must Try Harder!

I Married You For Happiness - Lily Tuck

As the book begins we realise that the narrator is a very recent widow, having just found her husband dead, and we are hearing her thoughts and reflections upon their marriage and life together. There are no actual chapters, just fairly short paragraphs and page breaks. To begin with, I found this format really interesting; with each paragraph we jump with the narrator to another memory or back to the present. Its not always clear straight away if the current memory is before or after the last, but although at first confusing I felt that it reflected someones mind when they are grieving well with thoughts all over the place, jumping from one memory to the next, going through various emotions, not always making sense etc. However, towards the end of the book I felt that this wasn't working for me anymore as I didn't feel like I had 'got to know' any of the characters very well and despite getting an overview of their many tears together, I felt as though I didn't really know anything about them and that there wasn't really much plot.

I've been left in two minds about this novel. I did find it fairly enjoyable to read and whilst I won't be going out of my way to recommend this to people, I wouldn't tell anyone not to read it either. If you have this book then give it a go, I feel that the author does manage to reflect a grieving mind very well - but if you like a 'plot heavy' book with lots going on then you might find this is not for you.

(Copy of review for Amazon Vine)

Time to accept the truth....

I need a new washing machine. I came on my laptop in an attempt to try and do a bit of writing.....then my washing machine started making the most horrendous noise, sounding like there was bricks in there not my work uniform, and any sense of creativity has just been knocked out of me! My poor head feels like its been in the bloody washing machine, and its not even half way through yet. I only have myself to blame, I've noticed the noise getting increasingly louder each cycle but tried to deny the truth....that the time has come to start trawling web pages, comparing prices and functions (I've already come across a machine that does a 'jean cycle'....why???) before spending what is supposed to be money towards a much wanted holiday on another machine that will last what seems like 5 minutes. Not impressed.

Inspiration

What is it about water that is so calming and inspirational? In July I went to Cornwall with my husband and we were lucky enough to find the most gorgeous beach, on a beautiful sunny day. We spent the afternoon just walking and relaxing. I felt so calm and like if I was sat looking at that view all the time, I could sit writing all day! I live not too far from the Lake District so I think I'm going to have to venture up there in the near future with my notebook and see what inspiration I can find! Well it worked for Wordsworth and Beatrix Potter....

Day one...

Today started so well. I finally found the courage to send a poem I've written into a magazine competition....I have no doubt that it won't win, I know that something just isn't quite right with it and its just not good enough. So why did I post it in you might be asking? Well it had reached the point where if I didn't send it I would keep 'tweaking' it for the rest of my life....not exactly what I had in mind when I pictured being a published writer as a kid!! Besides, everyone knows that you need to get rejected before you get published, so I thought losing a competition would be good practice and get me a step closer to actually getting some 'proper' writing done. And it worked as well. As soon as the poem was in the post I was the happiest I have been in a long time and the ideas started buzzing around my head. That euphoria is the reason I started this blog today, I want to remember how good actually sending off a piece of my own writing feels, so that when I am being rejected or have writers block, I can look back at this and remember just how good I felt this morning.


Of course, then I had to start my real job and that quickly drained all the happiness out of me. Nothing like being spoken to like crap all day every day to dampen your spirits! Apparently, working as a Doctor's Receptionist means that the public are entitled to speak to me however they like and the second I sound annoyed by this or am unable to do exactly what they want, when they want, I am an evil witch who needs to be taken down and complained about......and its only Tuesday! Still got three more days to get through before the weekend! I know that its just a job and the way the world is at the moment I should just be pleased to be getting paid....but sometimes it takes all my self control to pick up the phone and take the next call rather than walk out the door and never look back.


So this year I've decided to make some changes. Instead of just sitting sighing about how hard my job can be and day dreaming about being a writer, I am going to do it. My aim is to try and do a bit of writing every single day, even if its rubbish. I am going to remind myself that writing rubbish is better than writing nothing - I can edit and re-draft rubbish, I can't edit a blank page. I want to try and enter short story competitions, poetry competitions, anything to get me writing and try to build up my confidence. Hopefully in the process I'll have my 'Harry Potter Moment' and can start working on the novel that I dream of getting published. In 2011 I wrote a few poems, one of which I entered into a competition today. During 2012 I hope to build on this, keeping track of my progress on this blog, as well as blogging about anything else that pops into my head!